Change of Direction

Sometimes God changes our course slowly, or rather abruptly.  For me, He did both, all at the same time.  He has given me a change of direction.

If you've been keeping up with me, you know that Peter and I were planning on going to a missionary training school in Australia. And if you know me, you know that I have at a pretty good, secure, decently-paying job. Yet-- all of this has changed in the past couple weeks.  I've prayed, sought advice, and have cried over these two things in my life.  One that has brought much joy and the other that has brought a lot of pain.  Then, I heard God quietly whispering to me...

'You can quit your job now.'

'You won't be going to Australia.'

.....What?! God, why now?! Why didn't you tell me this BEFORE I applied to YWAM in Australia? Why didn't I quit my job six months ago?!


The job prayer was answered slowly, and the Australia prayer was answered pretty quickly.  Still, I wrestled with these thoughts and with God.  Deep down inside though, I was relieved.  This was God answering my prayers of bringing me joy, peace, and provision.  After looking back on these decisions, I know that I had God's approval and His blessings on both of them.  And quite frankly-- that's all that matters.

Concerning Australia, maybe this just isn't God's timing.  We've decided that we are going (God-willing) to YWAM in Orlando, Florida instead.  I am truly excited to go to Florida, especially since we can come home for Christmas! After all, Australia would have been insanely expensive-- God's answers to our prayers (financially in this case) are quite simple sometimes, if only we would listen.

As for my job?  I thank God that I had it, and I thank Him that I am no longer there as well; it provided a way for me to pay off my school loans and to meet some pretty awesome people.  For a long time, I loved my job and I didn't mind the commute that much.  But then my heart started changing, and I started having an uneasy feeling in my soul, deep down that I just couldn't shake.  So, I had to make a change.

I hope I made an impact on each person there, I really do miss them already.  I hope they saw the light of Christ through me; I hope that I brought Jesus into their lives; I hope they turn their lives over to Him (and in some cases, to continue to fight the good faith and endure until the end, and I will see them all again)... but that's in God's hands, not mine.. and I'm at peace with that (to all the ladies there reading this-- I love you!)

My decisions caused concern for some people (especially since I was quitting my job and have no other job in sight lined up), but I have to remind myself of 1 Thessalonians 2:4 that says,

'But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak [and live our lives], not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.

I always seem to try to plan out my life, but God always comes along side of me and wrecks my life for the better. 

His answers caused a wrestling within my heart that caused both fear and undeniable joy.  I choose to fight for the joy and to abolish the fear in my heart-- and I encourage everyone reading this to do the same.  Don't live your life in fear, it is from the enemy who wages war against our souls.  God wants what is best for us, and He brings an all-consuming joy and rest for our souls.

Looking back on this past month, God has been nothing short of amazing. I can't express everything I'd like to that is on my heart in this post-- it would never end.  I just hope that God is being honored and glorified by my life and that people would see that I am not trusting in the comforts and security of this world.  It does not last.  The only things that last are those things that cannot be seen; the eternal.  This is why I live my life the way I do.

God bless you guys, and live your life to the fullest, in honor of the one true living God; we only have one chance to do so.

What Next?

As my heart gets heavier and heavier, I feel compelled to write.  Lately, I have been contemplating my current situation.  I want to be in the center of God’s will.  I want that more than anything because I know that when I am focused on God; when He is #1 in my life; when I truly am seeking Him... then that is when I am in the center.  I am in the center of my God’s perfect will and that is where I can find all the fullness of joy.  This is what I want in my life: joy.  I want peace and a passion for life.  I desire to give myself to the work that God has planned out for my life.  God says that He knows all of our days.

Psalm 139:16 reminds me, “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”

This gives me hope.  Hope that God is in control and He KNOWS my entire life.  And right now... I feel like it’s come to a fork in the road.  Whether that means that I need to completely change my course, or if that means I need to stop and wait for direction, I don’t know.  I guess that’s what God means when He says to trust Him.  Trust that He will guide us in the right direction in His perfect timing.

His perfect timing.

This is the question of my life—what is God’s timing?  When do we know when God says... “Okay, this is next”.  Is it some secret point in our lives that when God says “go” you better get your butt moving and go?!  I don’t think so... I’m slowly realizing that God WANTS us to know his timing.  He WANTS us to know His will and to seek Him and to KNOW that we are pleasing Him with our lives.  This is the epitome of His love for us—that He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  That He will guide us, protect us, stick by our side, and have our backs even when no one else does.

I guess this is just my struggle right now. I want to know so badly that what I am doing in my life is pleasing to Him... and maybe that’s right where I need to be.

Maybe standing in the midst of not knowing my future and not knowing what’s next is where God’s perfect will resides.

Maybe not having everything figured out and living the perfect, cookie-cutter, American-standard way of life is how God wants me to live my life.

Maybe, JUST MAYBE... this is what He would want from all of us.

Do you have joy and passion in your life? What you spend the majority of your time doing... is it using the gifts that God has given you to glorify Him with?  Are you being all He created you to be?  And in return, are you finding peace and joy in those things?  Or is your life just a constant cat and mouse chase of making more money, getting a higher degree, or buying the nicest house or fanciest car and hoping that ONE DAY you’ll be able to say that you are “set” for life?  What does that even mean?!

Is your life spent constantly worrying about your future, trying to figure out every single step of the way, and not trusting that God has it all in His hands?

These are the things that have been on my heart. These are the things I know are my struggle.  So what if I don’t know my future?  So what if I don’t have the best job in the world or make the most money or drive the nicest car or even own a home?  What is home anyway?  Aren’t we supposed to make heaven our destination and this world just a temporary place where we can spread His name while honoring and glorifying Him in the midst of our circumstances?  Isn’t this world just a constant coming and going of life events that either make us or break us?  What is our purpose?  What is this life for anyway?

Having a great job?

Having a nice house?

Having a college degree?

Having a perfect family?

Being the healthiest, most active person?

Being perfectly in style and up-to-date with fashion?

Owning the newest smart phone and having all the apps humanly possible?

Looking like you have it all together?

And if these things are the reason for living... what fulfillment is found in them?

My heart has been so heavy lately because I see myself being pulled toward this world and frankly—this is NOT my home.  I am yearning for God to teach me to just TRUST.  Trust He has me.  Trust He will work things out.  Trust He has something absolutely amazing in store for my life... so much more than it is right now; so much more than I can think of or even imagine; a life that radically shows that He is God of all; a life that honors Him and fills me to the core of my being... and not forgetting to be thankful during this time of waiting.  He has my life and my heart and He will guide me and won’t let me mess everything up.  And He promises to do this in the lives of those who love Him... so that means you.  He will help you just like He is helping me through this journey.  I am just looking for His direction and waiting on His timing.

So, I guess the next question is—“Okay, God... what next?”

All Sons & Daughters - 'Called Me Higher'

Take Captive Every Thought

 

Thoughts.  They can encourage us or tear us down.  They give life and death to our situations.  Thoughts are the fuel to the actions we make and can direct our lives in either a positive or negative way. 

Thought, as defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary: the action or process of thinking... a serious consideration... reasoning POWER... a developed INTENTION or PLAN... the intellectual product or the organized VIEWS and PRINCIPLES of a period, place, group, or individual.  Seems to me that thoughts are pretty important in our lives and weigh heavily on our actions.

Numerous studies have shown that thoughts have a direct impact on our attitude, understanding, and our dealings with other people.  This is why it is so important to make sure we are aware of our thoughts and what we let run through our minds.  It’s the very reason that Paul heads to the church of Corinth to demolish LIES and false things that they might be led to believe.  Paul tells us to imprison our thoughts and to make them obedient to Christ, the light and TRUTH of the world.  So you choose—whether to believe lies or to believe the truth that sets us free.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. –2 Corinthians 10:5

To “take captive” implies that we make our thoughts prisoners.  They are not free to just roam our minds uncontrolled.  They are kept within the bounds of the truth of Christ... they need to be controlled and directed by His truth.

I found an awesome little list based off of Philippians 4:8 that can help us do so. It has helped me a lot recently to re-align my thoughts with God’s Word and to regain the peace and confidence that I need to make it through the day.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. –Philippians 4:8

1.       What is true? (What is true about you and your situation?)

2.       What is noble? (How can you handle this situation in a noble way?)

3.       What is right? (Is there a righteous response to this fear?)

4.       What is pure? (How can you respond in a way to keep your heart devoted to God?)

5.       What is lovely? (How can this fear be worked for good?)

6.       What is admirable? (Who has overcome a similar fear: how did they do it?)

7.       What is excellent and praiseworthy? (How can you respond in a way that keeps you from sin and brings praise and glory to God?)

“God often uses pain as a means of drawing our attention off ourselves and on to Him. It is a beautiful process for us to see this pain as a means of helping us refocus our attention on our Savior, who is our provider and source of strength... this is all a part of the sanctifying process. Jesus promises the peace that surpasses all understanding. This does not mean a perfect, pain-free [life], but rather the calmness to embrace God as your strength.” -Passionate Homemaking

And you know what God promises to those who fix their thoughts on Him? Perfect peace. That is what I want for me and for you; peace is what I yearn for.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you. --Isaiah 26:3

Cloudy Days

Today started out like my work days usually do—woke up way too late, threw my hair up in a bun, off to work in the dark. I am not a morning person whatsoever, yet this morning in particular I felt more energized than usual. Going to the gym and eating clean has helped me feel so good. I originally was going to write a blog post on the fact that I feel so much better, my moods have improved, etc... and then something happened.  Not sure what time it was, but my day just went all downhill.  I don’t know why I felt down or sad or annoyed, but I just did.  I just wanted to go home and sleep the day away.  This is not normal for me, at least not lately.  It’s so discouraging to feel this way, especially when I have been feeling so good lately.

I guess it’s just one of those days—one where it feels like everything is just hitting you in the face and no one else in the world understands. One of those days where it seems like a dark cloud is surrounding you and won’t leave you alone.  Maybe it’s just my attitude, or maybe it’s just the fact that I feel like my life isn’t really moving into a new direction as fast as I had hoped it would.

Maybe God is trying to teach me something in my pain and in my waiting. I hope so.  I know He has bigger plans for my life than I have for myself.  I know that what I am going through right now is only preparing me for something in my life that I cannot yet see.

Life sometimes can be hard; it can be full of disappointments and days that never end; full of heartache and frustrations.  This is when I just have to trust and know that the God of the universe has everything under control even when I feel like giving up on everything and everyone.

I just keep holding onto this truth: God will never leave me nor forsake me.  This is the truth that I am grasping onto in the midst of my circumstances.  This is the hope that I need during a day like today where I feel like I have nothing else to hold on to.

Marriage at my age

People have had a lot of opinions about me getting married in my early twenties.  They don’t seem to understand… they say we rushed or just give me a look like I was crazy to marry someone within a year and a half.  Without God, it isn’t going to make sense; I don’t expect it to.

God is the only reason why we got married.

It is all by Him and for Him and made possible through Him.  Marriage is a symbol.  A symbol of the deep, meaningful relationship of Christ and His Church.  The church (not the building, but the actual members of the body of Christ which makes up THE church of Jesus Christ) loves Jesus and we submit to Jesus and do what He would have us to do with our lives.  It is the same for wives and husbands.  Wives submit to a loving husband who would give up his life for her.  Christ died for us, and our husbands should love us in the same way.  Sacrifice on both sides is necessary… putting others before yourself is vital.  This is God’s will for us.  Age in and of itself is not a determining factor of marital success.

I read an article on relevantmagazine.com (a popular Christian-view on relevant things in culture right now) and there was an article that was talking about age and marital success.  It gave examples of studies that have been done on couples who married at very different ages and it concluded that the age was not a major factor in marital success.  Success has to do more with levels of commitment and personal maturity.  Now I’m sure you know of those older folks who act like they are 12 and then there are some young adults who have wisdom that far exceeds some older adults.  This is personal maturity.  The Relevant Article quotes: “there's certainly something to be said for going through those challenges with the person you love by your side. Having the mindset that everything in life has to be in order before getting married can mean missing out on the fact that marriage is often crucial in helping people mature.”

If God is in the center, your marriage will not be shaken.

On a personal note, I have had very different responses from people when they hear I am married. Today, I am younger than the average person to get married, yet back in the day couples would get married much younger. Age is such a huge factor today and I think it is focused in on too much and people raise their eyebrows at young married couples (with no legitimate reasons to back them up as to why they are judging others by their standards). The reason I got married was that I found a man who loves the Lord and he helps me with my faith and vice versa and to give glory to God through our marriage.


I’ve seen my parent’s marriage fail and his parent’s marriage succeed. My parents were older when they were married, his were younger. Age obviously, in this case, wasn’t the issue. God was the determining factor that his parent’s marriage has lasted. My parents did not have God in their marriage.  And no, I don’t think there are any solid guarantees to any decision we make because we are human.  We all make mistakes.  We all fail.  But God is our rock and our center.  Leaning on Him in all we do can heal anything—even a marriage.

Christmas Kitty

I know it's almost a 100 degrees out but I just had to post about our kitten at some point.. and I think this is a good time in spite of this hot weather! 

Maleik.  He brings me so much joy. Peter knows me so well, I am so indecisive but he knew my heart well enough to know that I really did want a kitten for Christmas. He’s our Christmas kitty and he keeps me entertained; he helps me to not be lonely when I’m alone at our house; he purrs and my heart melts.   His name is a combination of being a Christmas gift and of our honeymoon in Hawaii.

Mele Kalikimaka means ‘Merry Christmas’ in Hawaiian

We thought shortening it up a bit was a good idea. He even knows his name now by the way we say it *cue high-pitched voice* and comes running!

In God’s Word it says how He has made everything by Him and for Him.  I truly believe that animals bring out the best and the worst in us.  From the potty training, to the meowing all night, to the constant needing of food and water, and to the days that you just don’t want to deal with them any longer… that requires patience.  It requires self-control, on which a few occasions I have been tested! It requires us to be slow to anger.

All of these things test our faith and help us to remember that we need to rely on God through these little trials our animals take us through.  Maleik continues to teach me how to be patient and gentle with him… and how can I not? He’s so stinkin’ adorable!

Have you ever thought about animals this way, or is it just me?!