Sometimes God changes our course slowly, or rather abruptly. For me, He did both, all at the same time. He has given me a change of direction.
If you've been keeping up with me, you know that Peter and I were planning on going to a missionary training school in Australia. And if you know me, you know that I have at a pretty good, secure, decently-paying job. Yet-- all of this has changed in the past couple weeks. I've prayed, sought advice, and have cried over these two things in my life. One that has brought much joy and the other that has brought a lot of pain. Then, I heard God quietly whispering to me...
'You can quit your job now.'
'You won't be going to Australia.'
.....What?! God, why now?! Why didn't you tell me this BEFORE I applied to YWAM in Australia? Why didn't I quit my job six months ago?!
The job prayer was answered slowly, and the Australia prayer was answered pretty quickly. Still, I wrestled with these thoughts and with God. Deep down inside though, I was relieved. This was God answering my prayers of bringing me joy, peace, and provision. After looking back on these decisions, I know that I had God's approval and His blessings on both of them. And quite frankly-- that's all that matters.
Concerning Australia, maybe this just isn't God's timing. We've decided that we are going (God-willing) to YWAM in Orlando, Florida instead. I am truly excited to go to Florida, especially since we can come home for Christmas! After all, Australia would have been insanely expensive-- God's answers to our prayers (financially in this case) are quite simple sometimes, if only we would listen.
As for my job? I thank God that I had it, and I thank Him that I am no longer there as well; it provided a way for me to pay off my school loans and to meet some pretty awesome people. For a long time, I loved my job and I didn't mind the commute that much. But then my heart started changing, and I started having an uneasy feeling in my soul, deep down that I just couldn't shake. So, I had to make a change.
I hope I made an impact on each person there, I really do miss them already. I hope they saw the light of Christ through me; I hope that I brought Jesus into their lives; I hope they turn their lives over to Him (and in some cases, to continue to fight the good faith and endure until the end, and I will see them all again)... but that's in God's hands, not mine.. and I'm at peace with that (to all the ladies there reading this-- I love you!)
My decisions caused concern for some people (especially since I was quitting my job and have no other job in sight lined up), but I have to remind myself of 1 Thessalonians 2:4 that says,
'But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak [and live our lives], not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.
I always seem to try to plan out my life, but God always comes along side of me and wrecks my life for the better.
His answers caused a wrestling within my heart that caused both fear and undeniable joy. I choose to fight for the joy and to abolish the fear in my heart-- and I encourage everyone reading this to do the same. Don't live your life in fear, it is from the enemy who wages war against our souls. God wants what is best for us, and He brings an all-consuming joy and rest for our souls.
Looking back on this past month, God has been nothing short of amazing. I can't express everything I'd like to that is on my heart in this post-- it would never end. I just hope that God is being honored and glorified by my life and that people would see that I am not trusting in the comforts and security of this world. It does not last. The only things that last are those things that cannot be seen; the eternal. This is why I live my life the way I do.
God bless you guys, and live your life to the fullest, in honor of the one true living God; we only have one chance to do so.
