Dust

Blog Series: Middle East

A look back at the journey God took me on and urged me to write about while I was there.

Feb 20

Looking out the bus window at miles and miles of desert. As far as the eye can see-- dust.

We are all made of dust. We all return to dust. People all over the world are so similar; so much more alike than what we would like to think.

The first taxi we rode in in Ammon was driven by an older man. A devout man. A sick man. We asked if we could pray for him in Isa's (Jesus') name. He started telling us about Islam and how when you pray you have to wash and be clean on the outside. We thought differently, but we listened intently.

We heard his heart. He said we all have one God. Again and again-- One God. We agreed. He said it again. Na'am (yes), Allah, One God. We smiled and nodded in full-hearted agreement.

I saw a side to a Muslim that I had never seen before. I saw God in this man; a devotion and commitment that so many people lack. A layer was peeled back from my eyes of scales and the sun shined a little bit brighter. We said goodbye to the man ("Masalama")-- peace be with him.

I look through the bus window out over the sun-scorched desert. Miles and miles of dust, rocks, and hills. The sun's rays blind my eyes. Miles of reminders that we all come from dust and we all will return. A reminder that we can all be blinded to the reality that we are all here trying to make sense of it all; that maybe we don't have it all together... and that we are all so alike in so many different ways yet so different at the same time.

We are blinded by our skewed perceptions, stereotypes, and fears. Blind to the common ground between us; a mirage between 'us' and 'them'.

Let us open our eyes. See the dust.

Pressing On

Blog Series: Middle East

A look back at the journey God took me on and urged me to write about while I was there.

Feb 1

My day off. A lazy Saturday. Steam rising slowly off tea, looking out the window at skies so blue. Finding comfort in a propane heater and warm socks.

These are the little things I cherish here in the Middle East winter cold. I reminisce about the past week in the Syrian refugee area. I take it all in and I think of how Jesus walked here. How he saw with his eyes the pain; how He heard the stories of the deserted homes, the broken families, and saw past every facade; how He knew the answer to every question and yet people did not receive His solution.

At this moment I have more insight on what losing my life for His sake means. Taking on the life of Christ, living out the task of reconciliation. This mission is vital, urgent, and worth so much more than my own life.

Ripping my eyes open to the truth and leaving my comfort and plans in the past; letting my heart get crushed by the weight of this world and yet still pressing on; living solely moment by moment because I know if I step too far ahead the worries of this world will overcome me.

Living in the wild of this world is where we are called-- in the middle of the dirt, shame, and hurt.  To let Christ exchange our spotlights for His lantern. To give him each step, trusting He knows where He is leading us. Crushing the head of our enemy by pressing on into the darkness with God's light of truth. Pushing back enemy lines. Living a life worthy of the call; a life that 'makes no sense'; 'wasting' our lives on the unseen; walking into places no one dares to go; taking on the armor to face the battle; trusting in our Father who sees the whole picture. 

Pressing on.





*Picture taken in Petra.

What Do I Do with My Life?

What Do I Do with My Life?

That used to be THE question.

All through high school and college I would constantly question myself as to what job I was going to have.  This inevitably led to stress and anxiety about my future.  It made my life one big headache.

I just didn't know what I wanted to DO with my life. I was consumed with this question and some of my family would frequently ask about it as well (out of love of course, but it didn't make it any easier for me).  But who says a JOB is the meaning of life?  Who says a job is the most important thing to figure out, and if you don't, you're a failure?  And the big one-- who says a career defines your worth? I don't understand! What about BECOMING the person you were made to be? Not just having a good career...

It all boils down to money and security, especially living in America. Why do we yearn for security so much? Why is that what life is all about?  If I had to choose between a solid, stable, well-paying career or a not-that-great-paying job with a life filled with wanderlust, joy, and contentment without all the STUFF, you better believe I'd choose the latter.

After intently searching for my dream job, changing my major three times, applying to numerous different programs at many different schools, I came to the conclusion that life is so much more than just yearning for those things that do not have any eternal worth.

Recently I quit my well-paying job and sought what God has for my life.  And yes, I am grateful that I worked there because it enabled me to pay off my student debt I accrued while I was searching for that perfect degree and career.  Ironic, huh?

But as for my life now, I am BECOMING more of the person that God has made me to be. I don't worry about what I am going to DO with my life, God's got that. He has a plan.  Recently, I've had more time to seek Him more diligently and give my heart rest in the mere fact that I don't have to have all of it figured out. Surprisingly, I'm at peace about it. I am filled with joy!

He's revealed to me what my life purpose is! I guess you're wondering what that is?

To follow Him. To trust that He has me every step of the way.

That's it.

And day by day, He gives me a new little glimpse into my destiny. I think I can 'kind of' see what my future looks like from a distance... but that's like trying to look at a train close up (thank you Pastor Brian for this analogy!)  All I see are the box cars flying by me and it takes my breath away.  I can't understand my life from this close up; only God can.  God can see the whole train from above and He sees my life, your life, from beginning to end. And THAT is what I am trusting in.

Coming back to destiny... quite honestly, my destiny is heaven.  I rest assured in that.  While here on this earth, my role is to proclaim the gospel that brings salvation through Jesus Christ to every single nation, tribe, and tongue.  This is the work that Jesus has started and I'm here to continue it.  What an amazing destiny God has planned out for those who love Him! So I encourage all who are reading this to cling to the hope that God has given us and to stop worrying about 'what am I going to do with my life?' and 'I need to have a solid career to be successful'... just trust that God has a bigger plan for you.  Pursue Him and everything else that you need to do in this life will follow suit.

Uncovering Hope one piece at a time, and I am SO enjoying it :)

Love, Steph

Here Am I

Here Am I, send me!

Alright everyone, this blog post is long overdue but I am urgently writing this in hopes that God would move in the hearts of those that read this to give to our mission of spreading the Gospel to those in Australia and in Asia!  We are praying for a support team.  We need to raise $19,700.

Yes. You read right!  $19,700 <<< This is no longer the price, since we decided to go to Florida instead of Australia! Florida DTS is only $13k :)

This is impossible for us alone, but with our GOD, nothing is impossible!  We need YOU to be the hands and feet of Jesus in our lives right now, with support in the form of prayer (and LOTS of it!), spreading the word, encouraging us, and with your funds if God moves in your heart to do so! Only with our friends, family and community surrounding us in those areas of need, will we be able to make this possible.

We will be hosting a slew of fundraisers this month (and for the months to come) including a yard sale, bake sale, parties, car washes, and maybe even a concert! ;) Peter will be doing drum lessons as well. Please let me know if any of these things interest you!

Total length we will be gone= 6 months.

Yep! 6 months! October 21 - April 4. That means quitting our jobs, selling our stuff, packing up, saying goodbye to everything and everyone we know (including our precious kitty!) and heading halfway around the world to learn more about Jesus and make Him known!

Peter and I have felt strongly called to go into missions at this point in our lives.  With YWAM (Youth With A Mission), we will be doing a DTS (discipleship training school) for 3 months in Whitsunday, Australia and our missionary outreach will be in Asia for another 3 months. 

We know from the bottom of our hearts that this is God’s will for our lives; we can’t deny His call about this.  Our prayer is that God would move in the hearts of those that read this to give to God’s call that He has placed in our hearts.  Will you be a part of this with us?

We have been leaning on God’s truth that He WILL provide for us.  I KNOW He will.

Truth #1: I serve a God who provides beyond my faith.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:19

Truth #2: I can't do this without you. Yes, you there reading this blog. I need you!

“The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.” -1 Corinthians 12:12

God has given us YOU to partner with us!  He wants you to share in the adventures of living out of faith (and not by sight) with us.  If you feel a tug on your heart to help us, please don’t ignore that call.  We have only received a few promises from a couple people that will be supporting us (and THANK YOU guys!!)  So far, we only tangibly have what sits in our savings... and that’s not that much!

Let me introduce you to some truths that God has laid on my heart from His Word:

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’” -Isaiah 6:8

He is sending us to share Him throughout the nations!

WHY are we going? Here is a little fact that really got to me:

There are over 2,700,000,000 people who have never heard the Gospel at all, and there are only 5,000 to 7,000 missionaries worldwide who work directly with these totally unreached groups of people. That means there is approximately only ONE missionary for every 450,000 of these people!

Jesus was not exaggerating when He said, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” –Matthew 9:37-38

Will you help send us?

Here is how you can specifically help:

Prayer: Pray for us as we make this leap of faith, raising funds, trusting in God, and being filled with all joy and peace as we faithfully follow in the footsteps of Jesus.  Pray Ephesians 6:19-20 over us: “Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”

Encouragement: Peter and I both need encouragement as we stand boldly in truth that God will provide for us-- anything from text messages of bible verses, a short call with words of wisdom, blog comments, and even Facebook posts that lift us up and encourage us as we walk daily with God and have our faith tested.

Financial Support: Please pray about this! If you want to make a donation, please let me know.  We are currently setting up a final meeting with the leadership board of our church to see if we can have an account with them so that any donations we receive would be tax-deductible (looks promising, just need to work out a few formalities).  As of right now, if you were to give, it would be straight to me and Peter and we have an account for our YWAM funds.  Please either comment on here, or email me at stephotis@yahoo.com for mailing information.

One-time donations and monthly donations would both be wonderful!   Any amount AT ALL would be a HUGE blessing to us!!

Breakdown of due dates (for both of us, total):

DTS (Australia):  <<< This installment is a DIRE NEED right now, these due dates are getting close!

Sept 23- $1,400

Oct 1- $7,300

Outreach (Asia):

Nov 11- $4,000

Dec 25- $4,000

Other Expenses:

-Airfare to and from Australia: approx. $2,000

-International Health Insurance: up to $1,000

-Monthly expenses while in Australia & Asia: approx. $100-200/month

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this, it means SO much to us that you are taking an interest in what God is doing in our lives.  He has been so amazing to us, and I can only hope that you continue to stay throughout this journey with us and see God move in some amazing ways.  We hope to make God known throughout the nations with our lives, and this is just the beginning! Please pray about becoming part of our support team—we need you!  Love you guys!!

http://www.ywam.org/
http://www.ywammedia.com/ywamwhitsunday.com/dts.html

What Next?

As my heart gets heavier and heavier, I feel compelled to write.  Lately, I have been contemplating my current situation.  I want to be in the center of God’s will.  I want that more than anything because I know that when I am focused on God; when He is #1 in my life; when I truly am seeking Him... then that is when I am in the center.  I am in the center of my God’s perfect will and that is where I can find all the fullness of joy.  This is what I want in my life: joy.  I want peace and a passion for life.  I desire to give myself to the work that God has planned out for my life.  God says that He knows all of our days.

Psalm 139:16 reminds me, “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”

This gives me hope.  Hope that God is in control and He KNOWS my entire life.  And right now... I feel like it’s come to a fork in the road.  Whether that means that I need to completely change my course, or if that means I need to stop and wait for direction, I don’t know.  I guess that’s what God means when He says to trust Him.  Trust that He will guide us in the right direction in His perfect timing.

His perfect timing.

This is the question of my life—what is God’s timing?  When do we know when God says... “Okay, this is next”.  Is it some secret point in our lives that when God says “go” you better get your butt moving and go?!  I don’t think so... I’m slowly realizing that God WANTS us to know his timing.  He WANTS us to know His will and to seek Him and to KNOW that we are pleasing Him with our lives.  This is the epitome of His love for us—that He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  That He will guide us, protect us, stick by our side, and have our backs even when no one else does.

I guess this is just my struggle right now. I want to know so badly that what I am doing in my life is pleasing to Him... and maybe that’s right where I need to be.

Maybe standing in the midst of not knowing my future and not knowing what’s next is where God’s perfect will resides.

Maybe not having everything figured out and living the perfect, cookie-cutter, American-standard way of life is how God wants me to live my life.

Maybe, JUST MAYBE... this is what He would want from all of us.

Do you have joy and passion in your life? What you spend the majority of your time doing... is it using the gifts that God has given you to glorify Him with?  Are you being all He created you to be?  And in return, are you finding peace and joy in those things?  Or is your life just a constant cat and mouse chase of making more money, getting a higher degree, or buying the nicest house or fanciest car and hoping that ONE DAY you’ll be able to say that you are “set” for life?  What does that even mean?!

Is your life spent constantly worrying about your future, trying to figure out every single step of the way, and not trusting that God has it all in His hands?

These are the things that have been on my heart. These are the things I know are my struggle.  So what if I don’t know my future?  So what if I don’t have the best job in the world or make the most money or drive the nicest car or even own a home?  What is home anyway?  Aren’t we supposed to make heaven our destination and this world just a temporary place where we can spread His name while honoring and glorifying Him in the midst of our circumstances?  Isn’t this world just a constant coming and going of life events that either make us or break us?  What is our purpose?  What is this life for anyway?

Having a great job?

Having a nice house?

Having a college degree?

Having a perfect family?

Being the healthiest, most active person?

Being perfectly in style and up-to-date with fashion?

Owning the newest smart phone and having all the apps humanly possible?

Looking like you have it all together?

And if these things are the reason for living... what fulfillment is found in them?

My heart has been so heavy lately because I see myself being pulled toward this world and frankly—this is NOT my home.  I am yearning for God to teach me to just TRUST.  Trust He has me.  Trust He will work things out.  Trust He has something absolutely amazing in store for my life... so much more than it is right now; so much more than I can think of or even imagine; a life that radically shows that He is God of all; a life that honors Him and fills me to the core of my being... and not forgetting to be thankful during this time of waiting.  He has my life and my heart and He will guide me and won’t let me mess everything up.  And He promises to do this in the lives of those who love Him... so that means you.  He will help you just like He is helping me through this journey.  I am just looking for His direction and waiting on His timing.

So, I guess the next question is—“Okay, God... what next?”

All Sons & Daughters - 'Called Me Higher'

Cloudy Days

Today started out like my work days usually do—woke up way too late, threw my hair up in a bun, off to work in the dark. I am not a morning person whatsoever, yet this morning in particular I felt more energized than usual. Going to the gym and eating clean has helped me feel so good. I originally was going to write a blog post on the fact that I feel so much better, my moods have improved, etc... and then something happened.  Not sure what time it was, but my day just went all downhill.  I don’t know why I felt down or sad or annoyed, but I just did.  I just wanted to go home and sleep the day away.  This is not normal for me, at least not lately.  It’s so discouraging to feel this way, especially when I have been feeling so good lately.

I guess it’s just one of those days—one where it feels like everything is just hitting you in the face and no one else in the world understands. One of those days where it seems like a dark cloud is surrounding you and won’t leave you alone.  Maybe it’s just my attitude, or maybe it’s just the fact that I feel like my life isn’t really moving into a new direction as fast as I had hoped it would.

Maybe God is trying to teach me something in my pain and in my waiting. I hope so.  I know He has bigger plans for my life than I have for myself.  I know that what I am going through right now is only preparing me for something in my life that I cannot yet see.

Life sometimes can be hard; it can be full of disappointments and days that never end; full of heartache and frustrations.  This is when I just have to trust and know that the God of the universe has everything under control even when I feel like giving up on everything and everyone.

I just keep holding onto this truth: God will never leave me nor forsake me.  This is the truth that I am grasping onto in the midst of my circumstances.  This is the hope that I need during a day like today where I feel like I have nothing else to hold on to.

Nothing Left

Do you ever wonder if you have life figured out right?

Do you know if you think of life, it’s circumstances, and the people in it, in the way that you should?  I am looking through some blogs tonight and seeing others spending their life wandering around this beautiful world and writing about how amazing it is.  They write about how inspiring it is to see how other people live.  And my heart longs to do the same.  My hearts pulls towards leaving America, the land of the privileged and self-centered; the land that I call home; the beautiful land where I have come to love... and the land that has shaped who I am and how I think of this world.  Yet-- I am left wondering if I have it all wrong.  And I know at times that I do.

I want a life full of true joy and fulfillment.  Not in things, but in people and in relationships.

I want to be used.

I want to be used up completely before I leave this beautiful world.  I want to stand (or kneel) in front of my God and know that He is proud of me-- that He is proud that I took life’s opportunities and ran with them, spreading His love and truth to each and every corner of this earth.

I want to have nothing left.

I want to see the joy on children’s faces when they see that this little, blonde, American girl who can’t speak their language came so far to see them specifically.  I want to hold their hands and walk with them, all the while wondering why they trust me so easily and quickly.  I just want to sit next to them, and as they slowly scoot closer and closer to me, smile to myself as I feel, once in my life, right where I need to be.

I want to hug the women who have such joy and peace in their life even if they don’t have shoes on their feet.  I want to see their smiles-- their wrinkled, tired, faces that reflect the grace of God.  I don’t want to miss out on this wonderful life.  It’s too short, too beautiful, and too full of amazing people and opportunities to see God work in and through others.

For now, I will keep hoping for these things and that I can also be used right where I am.

**this picture is of a little boy, Elvie, I just fell completely in love with on my first mission trip to Guatemala. I went back to his town on my last trip and was heartbroken to find out that he had moved to Guatemala city... I can only pray that God would keep him safe there and grow up to be a wonderful man of integrity.