Hello friends! I have been absent here for quite a while. Fall has seem to snuck up on me and it has come and gone... although here in Florida doesn't seem much like "Fall" at all, let alone Winter now.
I haven't written much lately because I never know what to write about and I feel like it will never be "perfect" to share with everyone. Yet, I'm realizing that that is not what this blog is about. This blog is just about me sharing my imperfect life with you-- grammatical errors and all.
I also haven't written anything because I can never decide on a topic. That's something I struggle with- indecisiveness- and I need to work on this! I couldn't decide whether to write about the Holy Spirit, the huge problem of Nominal Christianity, how God has revealed Himself to me as a Father who actually FEELS, or Forgiveness. All of these are too hard to choose between! I'll just touch on some things...
I have been learning so much this past month. God has been working on my heart and He is teaching me to trust Him and let go of so much I have been holding on to.
On that note-- Peter and I have decided to come back to YWAM after we are finished with our outreach to the Middle East. I don't know what that will look like exactly, we are still praying for direction. Yet, we know we are supposed to be here. I have no idea how this will work financially... but God spoke to me and told me to just keep going back to the last thing He has told me, and the last thing He told me was to come here, so here I will stay until He calls me elsewhere! He has been telling me to face my fears, and that is what I will do.
I want to live a courageous life for Christ.
I've also learned that God has a Father's heart. Not like fathers here who have come so short of being perfect, but a Heavenly father who truly understands us. He's a father who is always here for us, He cares, and He feels our pain and He experiences our joy alongside of us. He is a Father who has the biggest heart towards His children and He always protects, provides, and loves on us (sometimes in ways we don't quite understand, or in ways we never notice). I feel so blessed to have this perfect Father in my life. I've yearned for this aspect of Him my whole life, and He has revealed to me that He has always been a Father to me and He will never disappoint or leave me.
My eyes have also been opening more and more each day I am here. I explained to Peter just this morning that it feels like I have had scales on my eyes and God has had to gently peel each layer back in His timing and in a way that I can handle it. I am outraged at some of the ways I have been viewing this world and it angers me how I have done nothing about so many injustices.
God has told His people to GO; to GO to a hurting world and to stop thinking our comfortable lives are more important than HIS calling. The church is not meant to COME, we are meant to GO. We come to church, come to bible studies, come to so many events... but when are we GOING?
Go to the lost
to the sick
to those who are poor in spirit
to those who have never heard of Jesus
to those who are different than you
to your enemies
Love them.
These are just a few things that have been on my heart, but it doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg.
God is working on so many aspects of my heart and I am so grateful for that. I have a lot of learning to do, but I know that I don't ever want to look back. I want to keep running this race and going to those that are hurting. I want to learn how to love more deeply than I've ever have and to actually experience the heart of Christ. This is what I want for my life, and I hope that it is reflected in these words, no matter how grammatically incorrect they might be.
Love you all!
Steph
