What Do I Do with My Life?

What Do I Do with My Life?

That used to be THE question.

All through high school and college I would constantly question myself as to what job I was going to have.  This inevitably led to stress and anxiety about my future.  It made my life one big headache.

I just didn't know what I wanted to DO with my life. I was consumed with this question and some of my family would frequently ask about it as well (out of love of course, but it didn't make it any easier for me).  But who says a JOB is the meaning of life?  Who says a job is the most important thing to figure out, and if you don't, you're a failure?  And the big one-- who says a career defines your worth? I don't understand! What about BECOMING the person you were made to be? Not just having a good career...

It all boils down to money and security, especially living in America. Why do we yearn for security so much? Why is that what life is all about?  If I had to choose between a solid, stable, well-paying career or a not-that-great-paying job with a life filled with wanderlust, joy, and contentment without all the STUFF, you better believe I'd choose the latter.

After intently searching for my dream job, changing my major three times, applying to numerous different programs at many different schools, I came to the conclusion that life is so much more than just yearning for those things that do not have any eternal worth.

Recently I quit my well-paying job and sought what God has for my life.  And yes, I am grateful that I worked there because it enabled me to pay off my student debt I accrued while I was searching for that perfect degree and career.  Ironic, huh?

But as for my life now, I am BECOMING more of the person that God has made me to be. I don't worry about what I am going to DO with my life, God's got that. He has a plan.  Recently, I've had more time to seek Him more diligently and give my heart rest in the mere fact that I don't have to have all of it figured out. Surprisingly, I'm at peace about it. I am filled with joy!

He's revealed to me what my life purpose is! I guess you're wondering what that is?

To follow Him. To trust that He has me every step of the way.

That's it.

And day by day, He gives me a new little glimpse into my destiny. I think I can 'kind of' see what my future looks like from a distance... but that's like trying to look at a train close up (thank you Pastor Brian for this analogy!)  All I see are the box cars flying by me and it takes my breath away.  I can't understand my life from this close up; only God can.  God can see the whole train from above and He sees my life, your life, from beginning to end. And THAT is what I am trusting in.

Coming back to destiny... quite honestly, my destiny is heaven.  I rest assured in that.  While here on this earth, my role is to proclaim the gospel that brings salvation through Jesus Christ to every single nation, tribe, and tongue.  This is the work that Jesus has started and I'm here to continue it.  What an amazing destiny God has planned out for those who love Him! So I encourage all who are reading this to cling to the hope that God has given us and to stop worrying about 'what am I going to do with my life?' and 'I need to have a solid career to be successful'... just trust that God has a bigger plan for you.  Pursue Him and everything else that you need to do in this life will follow suit.

Uncovering Hope one piece at a time, and I am SO enjoying it :)

Love, Steph

What Next?

As my heart gets heavier and heavier, I feel compelled to write.  Lately, I have been contemplating my current situation.  I want to be in the center of God’s will.  I want that more than anything because I know that when I am focused on God; when He is #1 in my life; when I truly am seeking Him... then that is when I am in the center.  I am in the center of my God’s perfect will and that is where I can find all the fullness of joy.  This is what I want in my life: joy.  I want peace and a passion for life.  I desire to give myself to the work that God has planned out for my life.  God says that He knows all of our days.

Psalm 139:16 reminds me, “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”

This gives me hope.  Hope that God is in control and He KNOWS my entire life.  And right now... I feel like it’s come to a fork in the road.  Whether that means that I need to completely change my course, or if that means I need to stop and wait for direction, I don’t know.  I guess that’s what God means when He says to trust Him.  Trust that He will guide us in the right direction in His perfect timing.

His perfect timing.

This is the question of my life—what is God’s timing?  When do we know when God says... “Okay, this is next”.  Is it some secret point in our lives that when God says “go” you better get your butt moving and go?!  I don’t think so... I’m slowly realizing that God WANTS us to know his timing.  He WANTS us to know His will and to seek Him and to KNOW that we are pleasing Him with our lives.  This is the epitome of His love for us—that He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  That He will guide us, protect us, stick by our side, and have our backs even when no one else does.

I guess this is just my struggle right now. I want to know so badly that what I am doing in my life is pleasing to Him... and maybe that’s right where I need to be.

Maybe standing in the midst of not knowing my future and not knowing what’s next is where God’s perfect will resides.

Maybe not having everything figured out and living the perfect, cookie-cutter, American-standard way of life is how God wants me to live my life.

Maybe, JUST MAYBE... this is what He would want from all of us.

Do you have joy and passion in your life? What you spend the majority of your time doing... is it using the gifts that God has given you to glorify Him with?  Are you being all He created you to be?  And in return, are you finding peace and joy in those things?  Or is your life just a constant cat and mouse chase of making more money, getting a higher degree, or buying the nicest house or fanciest car and hoping that ONE DAY you’ll be able to say that you are “set” for life?  What does that even mean?!

Is your life spent constantly worrying about your future, trying to figure out every single step of the way, and not trusting that God has it all in His hands?

These are the things that have been on my heart. These are the things I know are my struggle.  So what if I don’t know my future?  So what if I don’t have the best job in the world or make the most money or drive the nicest car or even own a home?  What is home anyway?  Aren’t we supposed to make heaven our destination and this world just a temporary place where we can spread His name while honoring and glorifying Him in the midst of our circumstances?  Isn’t this world just a constant coming and going of life events that either make us or break us?  What is our purpose?  What is this life for anyway?

Having a great job?

Having a nice house?

Having a college degree?

Having a perfect family?

Being the healthiest, most active person?

Being perfectly in style and up-to-date with fashion?

Owning the newest smart phone and having all the apps humanly possible?

Looking like you have it all together?

And if these things are the reason for living... what fulfillment is found in them?

My heart has been so heavy lately because I see myself being pulled toward this world and frankly—this is NOT my home.  I am yearning for God to teach me to just TRUST.  Trust He has me.  Trust He will work things out.  Trust He has something absolutely amazing in store for my life... so much more than it is right now; so much more than I can think of or even imagine; a life that radically shows that He is God of all; a life that honors Him and fills me to the core of my being... and not forgetting to be thankful during this time of waiting.  He has my life and my heart and He will guide me and won’t let me mess everything up.  And He promises to do this in the lives of those who love Him... so that means you.  He will help you just like He is helping me through this journey.  I am just looking for His direction and waiting on His timing.

So, I guess the next question is—“Okay, God... what next?”

All Sons & Daughters - 'Called Me Higher'

Cloudy Days

Today started out like my work days usually do—woke up way too late, threw my hair up in a bun, off to work in the dark. I am not a morning person whatsoever, yet this morning in particular I felt more energized than usual. Going to the gym and eating clean has helped me feel so good. I originally was going to write a blog post on the fact that I feel so much better, my moods have improved, etc... and then something happened.  Not sure what time it was, but my day just went all downhill.  I don’t know why I felt down or sad or annoyed, but I just did.  I just wanted to go home and sleep the day away.  This is not normal for me, at least not lately.  It’s so discouraging to feel this way, especially when I have been feeling so good lately.

I guess it’s just one of those days—one where it feels like everything is just hitting you in the face and no one else in the world understands. One of those days where it seems like a dark cloud is surrounding you and won’t leave you alone.  Maybe it’s just my attitude, or maybe it’s just the fact that I feel like my life isn’t really moving into a new direction as fast as I had hoped it would.

Maybe God is trying to teach me something in my pain and in my waiting. I hope so.  I know He has bigger plans for my life than I have for myself.  I know that what I am going through right now is only preparing me for something in my life that I cannot yet see.

Life sometimes can be hard; it can be full of disappointments and days that never end; full of heartache and frustrations.  This is when I just have to trust and know that the God of the universe has everything under control even when I feel like giving up on everything and everyone.

I just keep holding onto this truth: God will never leave me nor forsake me.  This is the truth that I am grasping onto in the midst of my circumstances.  This is the hope that I need during a day like today where I feel like I have nothing else to hold on to.

Faith of a Child

Do you ever feel like your life is passing you by?  Like each day just blends together and the weekend never seems long enough?  That’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  Sometimes I sit at work, and even at home, and I feel as though my life is passing me by.  I feel like I don’t make a difference and that I am wasting my time; time that could be better spent elsewhere.  I look at my life and I see how fast this past year has gone and realize that it’s almost summer… again.  And there isn’t that excitement anymore like there used to be when I was little.

Where has the joy gone?

The seasons blend together for me now and they never used to.  Yes, I’m still young, but now I truly understand why everyone older than me has told me that the older you get, the faster your life flies by.  Yet, I think there’s something deeper than just “getting older” making time fly.  As we get older I think we get more discontent, worrisome… anxious.  At least for me, in my twenties and newly married, that’s how it is.

Jesus says that we must enter the Kingdom of Heaven like children (Matthew 18:3, Mark 10:15).  Little children are trusting, straightforward, have a sense of wonder, and are simplistic.

Simplistic…

I would love to have a simple life, but as I grow up I feel like it’s becoming seemingly impossible.  There’s always something on the calendar to do, something to cook, something to clean, somewhere to go, someone to see.  I think this is why Jesus reminds us that we need to focus on Him and find rest and assurance in our lives through the eyes of a child.  Trust in Him with wonder, awe, and in the simple fact that He is our Father.  Be joyful in the little things in life, be grateful for everything we have, and learn to be content in every circumstance (Philippians 4:12).

I’m slowly but surely learning to be joyful.