Pressing On

Blog Series: Middle East

A look back at the journey God took me on and urged me to write about while I was there.

Feb 1

My day off. A lazy Saturday. Steam rising slowly off tea, looking out the window at skies so blue. Finding comfort in a propane heater and warm socks.

These are the little things I cherish here in the Middle East winter cold. I reminisce about the past week in the Syrian refugee area. I take it all in and I think of how Jesus walked here. How he saw with his eyes the pain; how He heard the stories of the deserted homes, the broken families, and saw past every facade; how He knew the answer to every question and yet people did not receive His solution.

At this moment I have more insight on what losing my life for His sake means. Taking on the life of Christ, living out the task of reconciliation. This mission is vital, urgent, and worth so much more than my own life.

Ripping my eyes open to the truth and leaving my comfort and plans in the past; letting my heart get crushed by the weight of this world and yet still pressing on; living solely moment by moment because I know if I step too far ahead the worries of this world will overcome me.

Living in the wild of this world is where we are called-- in the middle of the dirt, shame, and hurt.  To let Christ exchange our spotlights for His lantern. To give him each step, trusting He knows where He is leading us. Crushing the head of our enemy by pressing on into the darkness with God's light of truth. Pushing back enemy lines. Living a life worthy of the call; a life that 'makes no sense'; 'wasting' our lives on the unseen; walking into places no one dares to go; taking on the armor to face the battle; trusting in our Father who sees the whole picture. 

Pressing on.





*Picture taken in Petra.

Middle East: Hamdulillah

Blog Series: Middle East

A look back at the journey God took me on and urged me to write about while I was there.

Jan 17

As I sit here in the cold living room listening to the call to prayer go off at noon, yet again, I can't help but be reminded of the hurt and pain this religion has stemmed from. From the time Muhammad started seeking for his identity, for a way to change the world, for a way to run from the pain of being orphaned in a culture that considers you as dirt without a family name... I can't help but be saddened by the reality of this religion-- the hopelessness that it holds inside; the holes it leaves in followers' hearts as they seek to fit into a culture where identity is everything. Yet, what is a Muslims' identity? Identity in being a Muslim, and that is that? What does that mean to them? I've seen the eyes of those who are still seeking for something more. Seeking for a place of their own in this world. I see the pain and hurt of their lives in between the fabric of the burka that lays over their face. Hiding. Hiding their pain and their beauty, all in one... yet having so much life at the same time. A life hidden. A life suppressed. Oppressed.

The call to prayer continues. 

It gives me a deep sense of darkness, and yet hope as well. The sun shines in the room. Hope because it lives in me. The hope I hold in Christ is all I can hold onto in a land that is not my own. A place where people stare, whistle and wonder... wondering why I am immersed in their culture and why I have come. Little do they know, nor do I know, how much hope is hidden within me. Yet, it isn't me at all. I guess you don't realize how much joy you truly have inside until you come to a place where you see it being completely ripped from those who have no identity in Christ. A place full of lies, fear, and misunderstanding. A place rejected and torn.

Torn hearts.  Torn families.

Yet, as the call to prayer continues, the sun still stands and shines on this land. A glimmer of hope. A lightness in the midst of heaviness. I breathe again. I hope again. I pray for this land and I see light over it and in it and through the eyes of those who have found hope; who've found refuge in a man. A man they call Isa. Who I've also come to know as Isa; Jesus. Our Messiah. Our savior. Our God who came to unite us all no matter what we call ourselves or how we translate His name.

I see unity and reconciliation, and He is glorious. Hamdulillah.


*Humdulillah- Arabic for "Praise God".

Letting Go of Fear & Perfection

Hello friends!  I have been absent here for quite a while. Fall has seem to snuck up on me and it has come and gone... although here in Florida doesn't seem much like "Fall" at all, let alone Winter now.

I haven't written much lately because I never know what to write about and I feel like it will never be "perfect" to share with everyone.  Yet, I'm realizing that that is not what this blog is about.  This blog is just about me sharing my imperfect life with you-- grammatical errors and all.

I also haven't written anything because I can never decide on a topic.  That's something I struggle with- indecisiveness- and I need to work on this! I couldn't decide whether to write about the Holy Spirit, the huge problem of Nominal Christianity, how God has revealed Himself to me as a Father who actually FEELS, or Forgiveness.  All of these are too hard to choose between!  I'll just touch on some things...

I have been learning so much this past month.  God has been working on my heart and He is teaching me to trust Him and let go of so much I have been holding on to.

On that note-- Peter and I have decided to come back to YWAM after we are finished with our outreach to the Middle East.  I don't know what that will look like exactly, we are still praying for direction.  Yet, we know we are supposed to be here.  I have no idea how this will work financially... but God spoke to me and told me to just keep going back to the last thing He has told me, and the last thing He told me was to come here, so here I will stay until He calls me elsewhere!  He has been telling me to face my fears, and that is what I will do.

I want to live a courageous life for Christ.

I've also learned that God has a Father's heart.  Not like fathers here who have come so short of being perfect, but a Heavenly father who truly understands us.  He's a father who is always here for us, He cares, and He feels our pain and He experiences our joy alongside of us.  He is a Father who has the biggest heart towards His children and He always protects, provides, and loves on us (sometimes in ways we don't quite understand, or in ways we never notice).  I feel so blessed to have this perfect Father in my life.  I've yearned for this aspect of Him my whole life, and He has revealed to me that He has always been a Father to me and He will never disappoint or leave me.

My eyes have also been opening more and more each day I am here.  I explained to Peter just this morning that it feels like I have had scales on my eyes and God has had to gently peel each layer back in His timing and in a way that I can handle it.  I am outraged at some of the ways I have been viewing this world and it angers me how I have done nothing about so many injustices.

God has told His people to GO; to GO to a hurting world and to stop thinking our comfortable lives are more important than HIS calling.  The church is not meant to COME, we are meant to GO.  We come to church, come to bible studies, come to so many events... but when are we GOING?

Go to the lost
to the sick
to those who are poor in spirit
to those who have never heard of Jesus
to those who are different than you
to your enemies
Love them.

These are just a few things that have been on my heart, but it doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg.

God is working on so many aspects of my heart and I am so grateful for that.  I have a lot of learning to do, but I know that I don't ever want to look back.  I want to keep running this race and going to those that are hurting. I want to learn how to love more deeply than I've ever have and to actually experience the heart of Christ.  This is what I want for my life, and I hope that it is reflected in these words, no matter how grammatically incorrect they might be.

Love you all!
Steph

Outreach to the Middle East

Middle East-- here we come!

Bringing the light of the gospel to the hardest and darkest of places... this is what we were born for.

We are so excited to be going to the Middle East in January for two whole months! Peter and I prayed for a long time for the location of our outreach and what the Lord would have us to do, and He has clearly called us to go to these people.  I know that while we are there we will learn SO much about the people, the culture, and we will see the GREATNESS of our God.

Why the Middle East? Not sure, but I know that if we don't go, we would be in disobedience to God. And I fear that over fearing anything and anyone else in my life. I want to follow Jesus wherever He leads me, and to not sway away from that, even if that means going to a place where so many people fear because it is "unsafe" or "corrupt".  This is WHY I am a Christian-- to shine Christ's LIGHT into DARK places! This is what we were made for. Oh, and yes we are being wise about what we are doing and where we are going there.  We have some amazing leaders taking us!

Also-- the people here are so receptive to the Gospel, and they want to know who Jesus is.  Reminds me of the verse where Jesus says to His disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field". -Matthew 9:34-35.  This is why we are going.  We will also be teaching them English while we are there, so we are helping them in a tangible way that will be useful for them in their everyday lives.  I can't wait for this! I never imagined I would have this opportunity.

Why go on missions in general? Because seeing God in these other nations, makes my view of Him GREATER, not smaller. He gets the MAXIMUM GLORY.

It makes me more aware that God is working in the hearts of those in other nations, and not just my own.  It makes my view of myself and my home country so much less inflated.  It reminds me that God has called every one of us Christ-followers to GO and proclaim the Gospel to every nation, tribe, and tongue.  We are all a family in Christ.  And if we don't do this, if we are not obedient to the calling He has on our lives, then how can we say that we truly love Him?  Just something that I've been thinking about.

I have great conviction of this in my heart, and I am praying diligently that others would too. Missions isn't just for some of us, it is for ALL of us.  And usually, when you reach other nations, you not only "bless" them... you get so much more blessing in return.  It's incredible. God wants us to serve Him in every aspect of life; to get out of our comfortable houses and our comfort zones; to let go of our insecurities and to let down our walls, and FOLLOW HIM.  Won't you listen?

Set My Heart on Fire - YWAM Week One!

Long over-due post!  So we are finally at YWAM Orlando!!!  This picture is of the lake that is on campus, it is beautiful here. God has truly been so faithful to me and my husband through this whole thing.  Fundraising the money, making new friendships, building upon old ones, and reaching out to our community... it's blessed us SO much.

God has set our hearts on fire for Him.

I've never hungered for God this much in my life.  This week in DTS we've learned about 'Hearing the Voice of God' and it's blessed us both so so much.  We have been hearing from Him in ways that I never realized were possible and I wish I had learned this so much earlier in my walk with Him.

The other morning during my quiet time, I really heard from God personally.  After I was done praying and reading, I just sat still with Him.  I asked Him what He thought about me, and then I listened. I truly listened and didn't dismiss it as "my own voice".  I had faith it was His.  He longs to speak to us, we just need to be willing to listen!  And you know what?  He answered me!  He said I am loved, cherished, and beautiful.  Just the words I needed to hear.

Oh, how He loves us.

I am so humbled at how much I have realized that I DON'T know about God.  There is SO much for us to learn!  It's crazy how much we have been learning this first week of school and we are so excited to learn more and more.  We've been meeting really awesome people in class, on street corners, and in coffee shops.

This time has also been hard for me.  I am realizing how I have a very skewed view of myself and who I am.

A misconception of self.

God is working on me.  He is working on how I relate to people; learning how to trust others again.  I am learning who I am IN HIM-- not in my definition of myself, nor the worlds'; I am who GOD says I am.  No one else.  I am loved. Redeemed. Precious in His eyes. His daughter, who is greatly loved.  He has truly set my heart on fire and I am so ready for more of Him!

Derek Johnson - I Belong to You

What Do I Do with My Life?

What Do I Do with My Life?

That used to be THE question.

All through high school and college I would constantly question myself as to what job I was going to have.  This inevitably led to stress and anxiety about my future.  It made my life one big headache.

I just didn't know what I wanted to DO with my life. I was consumed with this question and some of my family would frequently ask about it as well (out of love of course, but it didn't make it any easier for me).  But who says a JOB is the meaning of life?  Who says a job is the most important thing to figure out, and if you don't, you're a failure?  And the big one-- who says a career defines your worth? I don't understand! What about BECOMING the person you were made to be? Not just having a good career...

It all boils down to money and security, especially living in America. Why do we yearn for security so much? Why is that what life is all about?  If I had to choose between a solid, stable, well-paying career or a not-that-great-paying job with a life filled with wanderlust, joy, and contentment without all the STUFF, you better believe I'd choose the latter.

After intently searching for my dream job, changing my major three times, applying to numerous different programs at many different schools, I came to the conclusion that life is so much more than just yearning for those things that do not have any eternal worth.

Recently I quit my well-paying job and sought what God has for my life.  And yes, I am grateful that I worked there because it enabled me to pay off my student debt I accrued while I was searching for that perfect degree and career.  Ironic, huh?

But as for my life now, I am BECOMING more of the person that God has made me to be. I don't worry about what I am going to DO with my life, God's got that. He has a plan.  Recently, I've had more time to seek Him more diligently and give my heart rest in the mere fact that I don't have to have all of it figured out. Surprisingly, I'm at peace about it. I am filled with joy!

He's revealed to me what my life purpose is! I guess you're wondering what that is?

To follow Him. To trust that He has me every step of the way.

That's it.

And day by day, He gives me a new little glimpse into my destiny. I think I can 'kind of' see what my future looks like from a distance... but that's like trying to look at a train close up (thank you Pastor Brian for this analogy!)  All I see are the box cars flying by me and it takes my breath away.  I can't understand my life from this close up; only God can.  God can see the whole train from above and He sees my life, your life, from beginning to end. And THAT is what I am trusting in.

Coming back to destiny... quite honestly, my destiny is heaven.  I rest assured in that.  While here on this earth, my role is to proclaim the gospel that brings salvation through Jesus Christ to every single nation, tribe, and tongue.  This is the work that Jesus has started and I'm here to continue it.  What an amazing destiny God has planned out for those who love Him! So I encourage all who are reading this to cling to the hope that God has given us and to stop worrying about 'what am I going to do with my life?' and 'I need to have a solid career to be successful'... just trust that God has a bigger plan for you.  Pursue Him and everything else that you need to do in this life will follow suit.

Uncovering Hope one piece at a time, and I am SO enjoying it :)

Love, Steph

Stepping Stones- update #2

Update part 2!

As we move closer and closer to our departure date to YWAM, I am excited to announce that we have hit our goal of $7,400 for our tuition fees!!

Only $5,600 left to go!

That means, we are now solely raising funds for our Outreach in January.  We can now pay for our tuition!

We still need your help and we still need your prayers.  We will be fundraising up until December.  Please pray that people's hearts would be moved to help us.  I haven't got any action from my PayPal account either, so please be aware that that is always an option to give as well :)

FUNDRAISING EVENTS-- Photo shoots!! Having mini-sessions all day with Becky on Saturday! Can't wait to see everyone there! Check out her blog, here.

And also, a YARD SALE! Be there or be square on August 10th from 7-1 at 6228 Seal Place, Waldorf, MD  20603 in the Hampshire neighborhood (we will be directly on Hampshire Circle across from the townhomes).  We are collecting donations for this event, if you all have anything you would like to get rid of!

**If you have received a letter in the mail, please get those back to me by August 8th so I can have a feel for what we are looking at in the next couple of months.**

ALSO!! We really do need monthly sponsors for our trip.  We honestly have drained a huge chunk of our savings for this, knowing God will provide for us. Please pray about sponsoring us while we are at school. We still need the funds for personal care, laundry, snacks (cause we all know Peter and I both are bottomless pits), and weekend gas money.

Thanks for keeping up with us :)

Love, Steph